Supporting Children of Different Ages through Divorce
A divorce or separation can be very challenging for children, regardless of their ages. But with the right approach, you can help them navigate their concerns and uncertainties.
Many children grow up with parents who have divorced or separated but the important thing is that you continue to provide a loving and supportive environment.
While it can be overwhelming knowing how to approach the issue with children, especially younger ones, there are a few practical steps you can take to make the process easier for everyone.
Understanding Emotional Responses
Children’s emotional reactions to divorce can vary based on their age and developmental stage. It’s common for younger children to struggle to understand why you’re separating and how the new situation will work from a practical point of view. Try and explain the situation in a way that they can process and stick to the facts.
Teenagers, on the other hand, might feel a range of emotions such as anger, resentment or sadness. Depending on the situation before the separation, some teenagers might even feel a sense of relief.
Be patient and honest and let them ask questions if they want to. Let them know that however they’re feeling is okay and there is no right and wrong emotion. Try not to place blame when communicating with your children – they’ll want to know that they’ve still got the support from both of you.
Create Stability and Reassurance
Younger children tend to thrive on routine and predictability so it’s a good idea to try and provide a stable environment.
Explain if and how any aspect of their routine will change, including a parent living outside the family home and when they will spend time with them. Try and maintain a sense of normality including school and other activities.
Young children might struggle to deal with their emotions which could manifest as tantrums, clinginess or other behaviours. Ensure you keep communicating with them and let them know you’re both still there to support and love them.
Encourage Independence while Providing Emotional Support
Teenagers process separation differently than younger children and often need their own space to deal with their emotions. It’s important to provide compassion and support yet allow them independence.
Some teenagers might try and take sides with one parent so it’s wise to maintain consistent rules and boundaries. Be aware of any potential signs that might suggest they’re not coping such as problems at school or behavioural issues. In this case, you might want to seek help from a professional counsellor.
Some separating parents find that their teenage children wish to have a say across issues such as custody and where they live. In this situation, guidance from child law solicitors can help the process run smoothly.
Co-Parenting
If you and your ex-partner are able to co-parent without conflict then that’s great but sometimes, things are not always straightforward. Practical tips include keeping each other updated on aspects that concern the children and allowing open communication. It’s also important to respect the other parent and refrain from abusive behaviour, especially in front of the children.
A co-parenting app can be used to plan schedules, school holidays, events and appointments which can take the strain off and help avoid conflict.
Finally, every child processes change and uncertainty differently. Some might take time to get used to their new normal but by encouraging communication and continuing to offer support, you can help them to process their feelings.